For many of us, just the thought of the holidays brings on a level of stress. Finances may be tight, yet we do not want to disappoint family members, friends, or co-workers, by not giving gifts. We stretch ourselves to, and many times past, our holiday budget.
Speaking of budgets, I read somewhere years ago, that the average holiday gift-purchasing budget is about $500.00. I’m sure it is probably an additional $100 or $200 more now, as that article was several years old.
I decided based on that article, to create and stick to a budget.
And I actually have not increased that dollar amount although it has been several years. I realized I could become creative with the purchases I made with that budget. Doing that helped me avoid the January blues that come with wondering why I spent so much.
Recently, someone told me that they made changes to how their family gives, because the spending and number of gifts were getting out of hand…i.e. expensive. That is an option. I know some families where only the small children get gifts.
Some families ask each family member to purchase one gift, put all the gifts into a big bag or box, and each person pulls a gift. If they don’t like it they can pass it on. Rules like only being able to pass twice can add a little playful drama to the mix.
Here are some suggestions to protect your January from financial dread and regret:
Create a budget and stick to it. I believe this is the most important suggestion of all. It took me several years, but I am finally at the point where when January rolls around I don’t feel guilty about how much I spent over the holidays. I believe you can get to that place as well.
Start shopping mid-year. I find that doing this alleviates the stress that comes with watching November, and then December roll into view. It’s like those two months automatically come with added stress. I shop throughout the year and just put the gifts into a big bag or box in the closet. I even buy items for no one in particular so that if someone drops by or someone attends the family gathering that was not expected, you might just have something nice and not necessarily expensive, to give them.
Make sure the entire family is on the same page. It avoids the possibility of hurt feelings. The same page meaning how does the family want to do gift-giving this year. And that can change from one year to the next. Maybe the gift-giving agreement did not go well this year, so think of something different to do the next year. In fact, it might be interesting to do something different every year especially since family dynamics change over time.
Finally, I want to speak to and about those who have the gift of giving. What is the gift of giving? Some of us love to give. We love to help. We love to know that all is well in the world of the people we love.
Before I continue, may I suggest that if you are the parent or guardian of a child who has this type of heart, it is really important to teach the child how to manage their gift, creating kind but firm boundaries around their heart, around their gift. Because it is indeed a gift.
And we as adults know that there are people in the world who are salivating at the opportunity to take advantage of such a person. If the giver does not know how to manage their gift, by the time they are adults they will find themselves being used in sometimes very atrocious ways. Even during the holidays. Maybe especially during the holidays.
So, please hear this from someone who has the gift of giving: just because you are given something does not mean you have to give something back. The person who is a giver does not typically expect something back. They just want to give. It may be difficult for some to believe this, but as a giver myself, I have gone through the frustration of someone not just saying ‘thank you’. That’s all we want. Thank you for thinking of me because that is literally what happened. You were thought of and that is why you were given a gift. Just say ‘thank you.’
Unfortunately, I have heard all types of other comments like ‘but I did not get you anything’, or ‘I don’t have money to be buying for people other than my family’, etc. A thank you would have sufficed.
Please be mindful when you are given a gift on how you respond. And keep in mind that if the giver becomes upset that they did not get anything in return, they are not gifted with gift giving. And that is OK, you will know going forward who is who. It’s great to know who is who isn’t it?
If you decide to make a change based on the above content, let me know. I would love to know how the process worked for you.
